try

April 25th was the last time that i wrote anything on here. times have been ... well times have been tough. thank god i have an actual job interview tomorrow with a good company in toledo which is about 45 miles away. *lots of wishes for me please*

i had a huge drop down fight with my mom over the phone this last week. she basically said that i can't come home ever again. which leaves a shallow feeling in my heart. it is terribly lonley when you are told that you have no home, that you have nowhere to go anymore. everything that i thought was my home back in pennsylvania is no longer there for me. i have already made the realization that besides the people that i love, it no longer holds anything for me. there is nothing there - so i have (well had) no choice but to go.

i have no choice but to make my own life my own way.

maybe once i have a job things will be better.
maybe once i have things in a straight line things wont seem so bleak.
maybe once i have my life in order ...

im trying really hard not to be depressed, really hard not to be insane, really hard to make it. most of the time i dont think people understand how hard i really have to try and not be psychotic.

at least i try ...